Matt B., CO

When you are a couple, you work as a team to get through your busy lives. My wife, Emeli Bowers, and I were no different. A few years back, we both had demanding jobs, two small kids and a busy social calendar. We spent a lot of time on life’s logistics and how to get it all done. We loved working together and making things work. We had a great life and what felt like a perfect marriage.

All that planning and teamwork in marriage can’t prepare you for the nightmare of the unseen or unexpected. On March 22, 2019, I got the call that no husband wants to get, and our seemingly perfect life just stopped.

I knew Emeli had a doctor’s appointment that morning to address a nagging cough she had been dealing with for the past month. Around noon, I got the call at work: “Come home now. Please come home now. They found something in my lung.” Those words will stick with me forever. That was the day our normal, amazing life changed forever.

To back up, Emeli was a very active nonsmoker. She was a runner and had climbed six “14er” mountain peaks in Colorado since our move to Denver in 2015. She was the definition of healthy. When she started to struggle to finish runs and developed a slight cough, she saw her primary doctor. The diagnosis at the time was a chest cold, and she was prescribed antibiotics. When her symptoms didn’t improve, she returned to her primary care doctor but was again given more medication with the expectation that the cough and fatigue were temporary. Finally, the doctor suggested an X-ray, and on that fateful March morning, they discovered a 2-inch tumor in her left lung. She had advanced lung cancer, and I got that brutal call to come home.

Emeli was immediately referred to an oncologist, and from there, everything moved in a whirlwind. Because she had no symptoms of possible lung disease beyond the cough, there was no reason to be concerned about her lungs. Like everyone else, the only question she was asked at her annual physical was, “Do you smoke?” By the time they found the tumor, the oncology doctors told us that Emeli was already at stage 4 and the cancer had spread to her neck, hip and lower spine. She was terminal from the moment we found out she was sick.

Through biomarker testing, we were able to identify the genetic mutation that caused her cancer. Only about 50% of nonsmoking lung cancers can be identified, so we were lucky to be on the right side of that split. We were also fortunate that there were two clinical trials Emeli could possibly enter for treatment. Without this testing and the trial medicines, the doctor had given her just six months to live.

In April 2019, we started a clinical trial that held Emeli’s cancer in check. The medication gave us time and an opportunity to prepare for an uncertain future. It gave her time with me and with our kids. We had multiple ups and downs with the medication and side effects, and eventually, the cancer spread to Emeli’s brain. She underwent brain radiation twice. It was brutal, but Emeli was a fighter and didn’t want to leave her family. After 4 1/2 years of fighting, Emeli passed away on June 27, 2023, from complications from lung cancer and brain necrosis due to radiation.

Emeli’s story has a sad ending, but my two kids and I continue without her. We have chosen to celebrate the extra four years we had with Emeli rather than be consumed by the sadness of her loss. It hasn’t been easy. My family and I deal with the hole in our lives every day, and time hasn’t helped as much as people say it will. Regardless, we find strength in how tough Emeli was and how hard she fought to stay alive for our family.

As a widower and longtime caregiver, I have learned a lot about the medical profession and the care of people with cancer. Most of our doctors were amazing, and I’m thankful for their help. I wish we had caught the cancer earlier and that there was a more proactive way to screen for lung cancer during an annual physical. Just asking, “Do you smoke?” and then moving on isn’t enough. We were blessed with medical insurance. Emeli’s medication cost $18,000 a month, and without my coverage, I don’t know how long she could have lasted. I am thankful for the biomarker testing and the funding for the clinical trials we were provided. The difference between six months and 4 1/2 years was a miracle provided by medicine.

I worry about the future of health care and its costs in this country. I am sharing Emeli’s story to remind anyone who will listen that cancer isn’t picky, and it doesn’t discriminate. Emeli was healthy and took great care of herself, yet we lost her at 44 years old. She had an 11- and 13-year-old at the time. These kids will never be the same growing up without their mom. I hope our story resonates with someone who can help make a difference, so a future family doesn’t have to go through what we did.